


Unspoken Love

by Stahvie



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Muteness, Mutism, not really angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-18
Updated: 2018-06-18
Packaged: 2019-05-25 04:26:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14969069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stahvie/pseuds/Stahvie
Summary: Based off a req for a mute reader whose first words to Kylo are "I love you"





	Unspoken Love

Ever since that mission you’d spent a lot of time in the infirmary. The plan had initially been to send you to reconditioning but the doctor had finally concluded that wouldn’t be enough. She was ready to excuse you from the First Order, they had no use for someone who refused to talk. But it wasn’t that you refused, you just couldn’t and no one seemed to understand that. She left to retrieve the forms that would state you were unfit to be of any use to the FO. The doctor left the door open and that’s when you first locked eyes with each other.

Ren was leaving the room across from yours having just been patched up when he noticed you. There was something about you that lured him in. Having free reign of the First Order, Kylo felt no shame in snooping as he entered your room and looked over your chart.

“Won’t talk, huh?” He asked.

You were getting frustrated at people saying that. Your eyes rolled and you expelled a huff forgetting who was speaking to you. You thought to give him an apologetic look as soon as you remembered this was probably the deadliest man in the galaxy, but then what good would it do? No one understood you anymore, no one even cared. You turned away, despondent.

“Can’t talk?” Ren corrected himself. You looked up at him with large eyes, maybe there was hope for you yet.

The doctor returned, startled to see Ren in the room with you. The two of them turned from you, clearly having a conversation that you weren’t invited to. It wouldn’t have bothered you, but you were the subject and they spoke about you like you weren’t even there. You were mute, not deaf, the hope you had found in Ren was fading.

You zoned out. Sure, their discussion was about you but they clearly had no interest in including you, so when you snapped back to reality you were surprised to find you were alone with Kylo again.

“So, you can’t be a soldier anymore.” Kylo said, taking a seat next to you on the exam bed.

That was obvious. Besides never wanting to see combat again after what happened, you had no way of communicating with the other troopers which would have put the whole squad in danger. It was in your best interest to keep you away from combat.

“You won’t be leaving the First Order though. Here, take this.” He said, withdrawing his datapad from his pocket and handed it to you. He suddenly stiffened up as though he’d forgotten something and took the datapad back. “Actually, no, that’s mine. I need that one. Come with me.”

You followed the dark-haired man, curiosity practically oozing from you. You weren’t leaving the FO and you weren’t going to be a trooper, but it was all you knew, what else could you do? After travelling half the ship, making a few stops along the way, Ren came to a halt outside of a room you’d never been in. In fact, you never really came to this part of the ship.

“This one’s yours.” He said handing you a new datapad. “This is where you’ll be working. Data Input. It’s not interesting, but it’s something until I can find a better place for you.”

You couldn’t understand why he cared, but you were thankful nevertheless. You took a look at your surroundings, concern furrowed your brows as you scanned the halls. How were you supposed to remember this new area? You were certain you wouldn’t be able to find your way back once you left.

Kylo took the datapad carefully from your hands and showed you how to find the map function, and then explained how to find your new quarters and any other facility you may need.

You smiled up at him, hoping he could tell how much you appreciate everything he had done for you. It was puzzling why the Supreme Leader would care about a broken trooper but the sentiment was touching.

“I put my contact in there if you ever need to talk.” Kylo explained. His eyes grew large with worry. “I didn’t mean talk… sorry. If you wanna spea-… communicate! If you need someone to communicate with…”

Kylo looked mortified with himself and you couldn’t help but chuckle inwardly. You opened up the messenger and began to type.

‘Just say “talk”’

-[Y/N]

You smiled up at him as he read the message that pinged on his datapad. He returned the smile, but while yours was appreciative, his was bashful and embarrassed.

Wanting to get away from the situation he felt he’d made awkward, Kylo excused himself and let you get on with your new job.

Over the next few months you’d become very familiar with your work, and also with Kylo. He’d stop by whenever he wasn’t busy and just happened to be in the area, which was surprisingly frequently. You’d been booked into therapy but were more willing to talk, well, type, to Kylo rather than the doctor. You were just another patient to the doctor but Kylo made you feel at ease. There wasn’t any pressure to magically get better when you were with Kylo.

Eventually you opened up to him about that mission. You’d performed well in every training scenario and every other operation until that point. It was still hard to confide in him about it, and you skipped over details you found were too hard to discuss, but he was able to put the puzzle pieces together well enough.

In turn, he shared his experiences with you. Most of the time you spent together was spent with him venting about his past. He’d seen so much and gone through a lot, you were surprised he wasn’t more messed up than he was.

‘You should be the one in therapy’

-[Y/N]

You teased one day when he visited you in your quarters. It felt like you were old friends now as you sat side by side slouching against the wall on your bed. Kylo pulled his datapad out and began to type.

‘Why pay to have some guy pretend to listen to me when you’ll do it for free?’

-Kylo

‘I’M SUPPOSED TO BE PAYING?!’

-[Y/N]

Kylo let out a chuckle, shaking his head at you.

‘Well, the First Order pays… you’re just being a drain on resources.’

-Kylo

You pretended to be appalled but you secretly loved the way Kylo would let down his defences and share a laugh with you. He was always so serious, it was nice to see him unwind.

‘Why are you typing now?’

-[Y/N]

‘Why talk when I can type? Seems a little fairer, doesn’t it?’

-Kylo

‘I like hearing your voice though!’

-[Y/N]

‘I’d love to hear yours.’ 

-Kylo

Your stomach sank. You knew he hadn’t meant to say anything that would upset you but it still hurt that you had to go through hoops just to have a normal conversation, doomed to be frustrated in your silence.

Kylo apologised immediately for venturing into such a sensitive subject but the mood was gone. Things had gone from playful to sombre in a matter of seconds and he felt terrible. You tried to get out of the funk and pretend it hadn’t affected you but neither of you were buying it. Maybe if he’d just sit there with you, that would be comfort enough. But he felt awkward, and after giving your hand a small squeeze and a quick apology, he was out the door.

A week went by and you hadn’t spoken to Kylo the entire time. At first it was because you had felt to awkward to write anything to him and worried that you’d bother him, but after a couple days of that, you simply hadn’t messaged him because you’d somehow misplaced your datapad. You’d tried to replace it but people were too dense to realise you were trying to ask for one when you tried miming out that you wanted to type something or needed some flimsi to write it out. Though maybe they understood completely and just didn’t give a damn.

You were beginning to worry that Kylo thought you were upset with him or that he’d decided being friends was too much effort. Not knowing for sure was beginning to stress you out. You thought about tracking him down to find out but then settled on the decision to let him come to you if he cared about how you were doing.

Once your work was completed you decided what you really needed was a long hot shower. If using up the ship’s entire hot water supply didn’t work to relax you then you didn’t know what you’d do. You needed a datapad to download something from the archives to be able to read anything and trying to order a few drinks at the cantina sounded like way more effort than it was worth.

As you neared your quarters you caught sight of Ren moving toward you from the other end of the corridor. Well, technically moving toward you, though more likely he was just heading in the direction you’d come from. You’d give him a polite smile and nod as he passed, whether he noticed or not was up to him.

But he didn’t pass. Kylo only made it as far as the door to your quarters before he stopped. He was waiting for you. Part of you wanted to stop and turn the other way to avoid him. How were you supposed to tell him you weren’t ignoring him and that you’d lost your datapad? He’d have to guess all the right questions and that seemed farfetched.

When you got to your door you spent a while staring at your boots to avoid seeing whatever negative emotion that was plastered on his face but soon the silent encounter got too uncomfortable and you motioned to the door giving him a nervous half smile, as if asking him if he wanted to come in.

Once inside, the silence lingered between the two of you for a moment longer before Ren finally broke it.

“Why haven’t you replied?” He asked. He was trying to keep his emotions hidden but you could tell he was at least a little hurt.

Replied? Oh, stars, you’d considered that he might think you were ignoring him by not reaching out to him, but you hadn’t thought he might actually be trying to contact you all this time. As comfortable as you felt with Kylo, you weren’t planning on playing charades with him. It’d only make you feel foolish after being so unsuccessful with everyone else.

Kriff it. You stepped in towards Ren and reached for the datapad he kept concealed. As you bent towards him to retrieve the device, his hand rested lightly on the small of your back causing you to pause. You stopping made him stop. Had he been going in for a hug? You were lingering awkwardly for too long but he’d notice the blush that was flushing your face if you pulled away now.

Kylo’s hand dropped from your back and you took the cue to grab what you’d been after. With the datapad in your hands you quickly turned so he couldn’t see your face and opened up the messenger.

‘Sorry about the other day. Can we pretend I didn’t say anything?’

-Kylo

‘Thought you were supposed to be good at your job. Too busy to reply?’

-Kylo

‘…That came out mean, it was supposed to be light-hearted…’

-Kylo

‘Is it alright if I stop by?’

-Kylo

‘[Y/N] I’m really sorry. I just wasn’t thinking.’

-Kylo

‘I didn’t mean that I’d rather you could speak. I’m just curious about what you were like before. Louder probably :)’

-Kylo

‘Sorry, again, I probably shouldn’t try and joke.’

-Kylo

‘These messages are probably getting annoying. I’m sorry, I’ll stop.’

-Kylo

‘Sorry, last one I promise, I just miss spending time with you.’

-Kylo

‘:(‘

-Kylo

You read through the messages he’d sent during the week before he’d given up and realised you weren’t going to text back. You would’ve given up after fewer messages had the situation been reversed, but only because you were afraid of bothering him, so it was really sweet to see he’d been so persistent.

You wanted to tell him everything. About how you’d checked everywhere. How you’d tried to request a new one. About the way reading the messages you never got to receive made you feel terrible that he’d felt bad, but also that reading them made your stomach flutter. After several drafts you gave up, none of it really conveyed what you wanted to say.

‘Lost my datapad.’

You typed out the small, simple message and handed the device to him without sending it. When he looked up at you, you gave him an apologetic smile and hoped that he’d assume the flushing of your face was just because you were embarrassed you’d been so careless with the datapad.

Silence lingered between the two of you. It was starting to make you nervous. Was it a good enough excuse? Well, it wasn’t an excuse really, it was the truth, but still. Kylo’s eyes had been fixed on you since he’d looked up. Ugh! Why wasn’t he saying anything? You decided to take the initiative to break the awkward tension and pulled the datapad from his hands.

‘Tell me about your week?’

You handed the device back and his eyes quickly devoured the message. Say something, Ren! Was he giving you a taste of your own medicine? Not cool, Kylo. His eyes finally met yours again. It wouldn’t have taken a force user to sense how nervous you were. The silent shell that was Kylo finally smiled and you breathed a sigh of relief. He moved to the spot on your bed where he’d usually make himself comfortable and tapped the empty spot where you’d sit, ushering you over to join him.

“My week was a nightmare. First Hux… Hux and that Lieutenant that’s always near him… the one that cries a lot…”

You listened and soaked up every little thing he said, hung on every word. Every rant and ramble made you feel closer to him. It thrilled you to hear him tell you what made him excited. You’d find yourself irritated with the people that would make him angry. Every small detail strengthened your connection with him and even though you didn’t want to go a whole week without hearing from him again, you were thankful to have so much to absorb.

“The worst thing about this week though? I spent the whole week thinking I’d upset the most important person to me.” Kylo drew your hand into his, keeping his eyes focused on the physical connection between the two of you. “I spent the whole time thinking she didn’t want to see me and I’d screwed everything up. I don’t want to lose her like I thought I did.”

He couldn’t look at you but you couldn’t tear your eyes away from him. Stars, was it a trick of the light or was the man blushing? You scooched over and let your head rest on his shoulder. His free hand reached up to cup your face gently.

It was strange seeing the formidable man looking so nervous. Sometimes it was easy to forget there was a side to him that was kind and gentle whenever he’d charge through the ship letting his demons get the better of him. He was never that way when he was alone with you. He liked to laugh, but more than that, he preferred to make you laugh. Kylo saw past what you considered to be your flaws, he saw you completely as you were, special, or at least special to him.

Your stomach was doing flips as you moved to your knees. What if you were reading the situation wrong? You were a little apprehensive but mostly excited. Excited and absolutely smitten. While he was still unable to look up at you, you leant in and placed a delicate kiss on his cheek. You could feel his cheeks distorting into a smile under your lips and it reassured you that he felt the same way about you.

Kylo turned to face you as his hands gently cupped your face. His eyes fell shut and he moved in for a kiss, you mimicked his actions but apparently your mouth had other plans. Foreheads pressed together and lips barely grazing, you couldn’t have stopped the words spill from your mouth if you tried.

“I love you.” You whispered. It was barely audible but it reached his ears. Kylo pulled back slightly in disbelief, but you kept your eyes closed tight in fear you’d crossed a line. It felt like time had stopped as you waited for some kind of reaction from him. Your rising anxiety dissolved as his soft lips found yours.

You felt the corners of his mouth shift upward as he pulled away. He’d long since accepted that he may never get to hear your voice, but to hear those words specifically, Kylo didn’t think anything could feel so good, sound so perfect, or make him happier.

“I love you too, [Y/N]” Kylo grinned.


End file.
